someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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