My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
