There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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