Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
