u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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