The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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