i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
