I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize