I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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