uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
