it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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