He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize