The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I love having hate sex.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
