Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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