Where is the hickey?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize