glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
