Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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