All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
