is your mom at the bar?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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