I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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