If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
