her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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