Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
