There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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