Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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