A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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