i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
