My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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