At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
