What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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