I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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