Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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