I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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