No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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