...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Barsexuality is the new black.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
