my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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