Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
