Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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