I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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