Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
