I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
