I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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