I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
