you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
