belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
