Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
