I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
