Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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