Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
