Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
