plz talk dirty to me
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
two words...techno handjob
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
