Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
