I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
