I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
