Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
soo... how was my night?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
