I CAN MOONWALK!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I am spending my child support on dildos
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
