you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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