Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
