Do you still have your period?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We smell like vodka and hangover
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