she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There are leaves in my underwear?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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