I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
