Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
