I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I could fuck to npr.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
