You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
