Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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