a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just want nice things and good sex
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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