So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
