i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
